Well, it's been awhile.

We are now 24 weeks pregnant and feeling good. I'm feeling Braxton Hicks, which is kind of cool because it's my first time experiencing it. And it's kinda not cool, because when I over-do it, they warn me (ok, they hurt a bit). Other than that, they're just there and it's obvious.

Another thing I'm noticing lately is the nausea and the almost getting sick in the middle of the night and waking up. It's not fun. I'm having my sister bring me an arm-chair pillow that I left at Mom and Dad's house so I hope that will help keep my head elevated. (I'm not in control of how I sleep when I'm sleeping.)

Also discovered pregnancy carpal tunnel syndrome. Very painful and discouraging, because I was definitely going to be working on my thesis that day, and it definitely put a damper on that situation.

We are leaving on Sunday afternoon and I won't be back until I'm 30 weeks pregnant, first weekend in August. But, I'll have a Master's degree, a husband waiting for me, and a newly painted house/nursery set up, and maybe even a new niece! And my Dad is going to come to my graduation, which is very exciting.

That's all for now. Phew...it doesn't seem long, but the content is extensive, no?

Many thoughts

      In 19 days, Joey and I are going to get in the Jeep and start our road trip to visit family and end up getting me to school. In 19 days, I will be on my way to finish my last semester of grad school. In 19 days. Holy crap. I literally have 19 days to finish my paper. I have 19 days to get my booty in gear and just think for crying out loud. I have 19 days to pack, to do things around the house I wanted to get done, to see my doctor another time, and to feel good before I come back and it's my third trimester. I have 19 days, and I am starting to freak out.
       In reality, I should be writing my paper right now. But this comes easier than writing that paper. I am only 1/2 of the way there, and I'm sure the content is nowhere near where it should be at this point. Thankfully, I am in dialogue with my advisor and I'm sure he will steer me in the right direction once he reads it. I just hope it's not in the ctrl+alt+delete button department...yikes...
        I'm also taking a full class load this summer, so I really want to be done with that paper before I leave. I realize the possibility of that happening is about 50%, but still, it's nice to try. Wouldn't it be great for me to just have to go to school and get my work done without having to worry about getting my paper/recital done too? I am so glad that I did my recital before I went up there, can you imagine me at 27-28 weeks trying to get that sound out? I don't even know if I'll be able to handle choir now that I think of it, so that is going to be an awfully interesting adventure.
         In other news, we will be painting the house this summer, might be patching up the fence, and Joey will obviously be spending his time at the house baby-proofing, setting up and painting the nursery, and getting some much deserved R&R. So many exciting things are going on, and they all take a special kind of energy.

Total weight gain/loss: Total of about 10 gained. Oh well. That's what jogging strollers are for.
Maternity clothes: Oh yes. And the minute I'm home for the day, the pants come off. It's fabulous.
Best moment this week: It was a pretty blah week. 
Movement: Yes, not as much this week as last week, but I didn't consume an entire watermelon this week. She's probably going through withdrawals.
Food cravings: I had a serious craving for cookies-n-cream ice cream the other night. Joey went out and delivered for me. It was awesome!
Milestones: It's kind of silly to put on here the things she's doing. Really, I have no idea. But the idea is that by 21 weeks, she has eyebrows. I hope she has her Daddy's eyebrows, and not mine!

Summer Heat

Memorial Day Weekend has come and gone, but the heat decided to stay. We enjoyed the weekend by staying local and being weightless in the pool for a few minutes! Our pool time was generously overcast so it wasn't as refreshing as I'd hoped it would be, but I am taking what I can get! Little girl definitely had a growth spurt this weekend, which made for lotsa discomfort for me. Totally worth it though, because I can now feel her moving around!

     

 Sunday mornings at work are getting tougher and tougher for me, physically, so I'm actually looking forward to getting off of my feet and sitting in class this summer! (And not leading worship on Sunday mornings for 3 masses...yikes.) I have 3 weekends left here in Florida, and then we're making the long drive north. We will be stopping in Tennessee to visit Joey's sister, and then heading up to Marquette Michigan to visit his family and help him paint his grandmother's house. His grandmother is a lovely lady and full of vibrancy. Her home is beautiful and comfortable and right on Lake Superior. I am looking forward to doing my assigned reading and taking it easy with baby girl on the beach for a couple of days, and trying to get my paper done too. That's something I AM concerned about, the next big chunk of time I have to work on it is this Monday, so let's see what my brain is capable of...15 pages?

Now, I'm working on 21 weeks pregnant, and as of this morning on the scale I've gained an extra 2 pounds. I know that it is to be expected, but I think the shock factor is what's getting me. Before I lost weight, the scale has been higher, but only slightly. Once we hit the next set of tens, I think I'll need some cold water to the face. Oh well.

On to the fun stuff...

Total weight gain/loss: Total of 8 pounds gained at 20/21 weeks.
Maternity clothes: Yes! Going shopping for some more shirts on Friday with a coupon. Pretty excited.
Sleep: Honestly, it's better. But it's best in my old bed. Don't know why.
Best moment this week: Spending time with Joey yesterday. Really going to miss that this summer...luckily my term isn't 6 weeks, but closer to 3 1/2!
Movement: SO MUCH! I love it. It's really funny because I feel like it's her personality coming out. Every once in awhile, she'll just FREAK OUT and everything is going crazy. Then she's quiet for awhile and then slowly creeps around. What a nut.
Food cravings: Milk and watermelon. I had 1/2 a watermelon this weekend and I'm not ashamed of it. Although, I'm sure it didn't help those 2 extra lbs on the scale this morning...lol
Labor signs: ha. no.
Milestones: She's grown so much. Also I love how active she is.

Crazy Dreams

       I've always had crazy dreams. If I wrote them all down, they would be full of details and weirdness and reasons for me to not be around people very often.
       This morning, I had a terrible dream (at least that is how I felt about it at that moment). I dreamed that I heard our little girls giggling in their room down the hall. I dreamed that I yelled "y'all better quiet down and go to sleep, or I'm gonna come in there swinging and I don't care who I hit!" (note: I'm not abusive. My mother used to say that to us four kids. A fly-swatter was her only defense behind a restful night's sleep. We deserved it.) Then, my 'dream-yelling' somehow made me realize, we don't have little girls. Then I got freaked out, and I heard the giggling right in my ear. After that, still sleeping, I dreamed that our baby girl was crying across the hall and she sounded SO scared, and I couldn't move. I couldn't even speak. I tried to wake myself up and couldn't even do that. Then, Joey poked my shoulder in his sleep, and I started the day off around 6:30AM with a scream and a good cry. That's the weirdest one I've had in awhile and it's left me feeling, well, the feels all day. I can't shake them. It probably doesn't help that I watched the season finale of "The Vampire Diaries" and wtf...but still. Crikey. Not sure how to shake it.

How far along? about 19 weeks. She's measuring big, so I'm done with the whole exact-date-day thing.

She'll be here when she gets here. 

Total weight gain/loss: I'm up 5 pounds as of last Friday. Meh.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Sleep: It's hard to get comfortable because I'm having hip and leg cramps, and once I'm asleep I have 

strange dreams. So...

Best moment this week: Finishing my service recital. 1/2 way done with the 'requirements' to graduate!

Movement: More cramping than moving. And the battery for our fetal doppler died last night, so I took 

that as a sign that something is horribly wrong and that's probably why I didn't sleep well. 

Food cravings: Anything fried (sorry, heart) but still not much of an appetite. Especially for greasy 

unhealthy things, so this makes no sense. 

Labor Signs: haha. no.

Belly Button in or out? in

Milestones: She's the size of a large mango, over 1/2 a pound already. Next week, she'll creep up to the

size  of a cantaloupe which is HARD to believe! Man, I'm good at growing babies. Oh, and I think we've

settled on a name. :)

Week 18, and it's a...

Girl. I can't believe it! It's starting to make more sense to me, but I have to admit, I was in shock when I first heard it. I NEVER imagined myself having a daughter. Ever. Not that it's not a welcome surprise, not that I don't want her, but it's just completely a huge surprise. So much so that I don't have much to say. Just, wow.

We had our ultrasound on Friday before Mother's Day and didn't tell anyone about it. We wanted to make it a surprise for our Mamas for Mother's Day. We did get them good! And I kept my yapper shut, for the most part. It was a beautiful weekend and I'm getting more and more excited about having a cowboy princess, or an iron man ballerina, or whatever she becomes in her mind!

And I got some serious pool-time this weekend. Sunday (Mother's Day) was spent in the pool and Monday I got to spend with my bff in Titusville. I got some brown and red and some relaxation which is apparently just what I needed, because when I woke up this morning, my tummy/baby girl was bigger.


Here are some lovely memories from the past few days.

                                                             

17 Weeks

So...crazy fact.

I'm almost halfway there! I really can't believe it. This pregnancy has (fingers crossed) flown by. I've felt great and haven't had many symptoms to deal with. It doesn't hurt that I have an amazing support at home either.

I'm really excited about my maternity clothes. I bought four shirts and a pair of leggings (because, as we all know, leggings ARE pants when you're pregnant) and they came in the mail yesterday. They all fit and I feel really cute! hooray!

Also, the official countdown has begun to discover if Cletus is a boy or a girl! I can't believe it's just a matter of single-digit-days away! I've been looking up 17 week ultrasound videos on YouTube and can't believe our baby is that big now. It looks like a real life baby, just a little skinnier! I don't think I'll sleep at all this week because of the excitement (Ok. That's a lie. I'm going to sleep really well).

How far along? 17 weeks and a day

Total weight gain/loss:Bought a battery for the bathroom scale. Still no change. I'm going to ask the Doc about it on our next visit.

Maternity clothes? Oh yes. Old Navy has free shipping on orders over $50!

Sleep: Meh. Had some bad dreams this week.

Best moment this week: Looking forward to our ultrasound. I can't believe it's already here! I'm very excited.

Movement: Not as much 'feeling' as I did last week, but definitely growing. 

Food cravings: Milk

Labor Signs: nope!

Belly Button in or out? in

Milestones: The baby is the size of my hand, which is unbelievable. Cletus can hear our voices too. Guess we have to start watching our language ;) 

Oh yeah! I always forget the fun stuff...

How far along? 16 weeks and a day

Total weight gain/loss: No idea. Going to buy a battery for our bathroom scale today, so wish me luck. haha.

Maternity clothes? Oh yes. 

Sleep: Pretty good minus the weird dreams.

Best moment this week: I really think I'm feeling the baby move, but I don't want to admit it...isn't it too

early?? Meh. Whatever. I think I'm feeling the baby move!

Movement: Oh. Uh, see the previous question.

Food cravings: None

Labor Signs: nope!

Belly Button in or out? in

Milestones: The baby is the size of an avocado! Cletus can hear and sense light. 

16 Weeks

I think it's funny how all the articles, books, even emails I get from websites are saying "Get ready for a growth spurt!" Hasn't this entire pregnancy been a growth spurt? I mean, I'm growing a baby in here for crying out loud. And it's only taking a matter of months. I'm sure it means that, in the grand scheme of things, this will be a noticeable change in what I'm used to. 

Last night I was feeling strange. Not bad or good, but more bad than good...I felt like someone was filling up a water balloon in my abdomen. If I laid the wrong way, I had to pee. If I went pee, then I had to pee immediately when I left. Very strange. And, I had eaten too much salt so I only wanted massive amounts of water. It's a catch 22 I tells ya. You have to keep hydrated and you go through toilet paper twice as fast. It's mostly funny, and it's only irritating around 4AM or when you're just finding the comfy-booty spot on the couch. The rest of the time, it's a nice reminder that Cletus is growing and moving and will be here soon.

We will find out if Cletus the Fetus will be a boy or a girl on May 13th. The thought crossed my mind that, since this is 2014, we could find out much sooner than that for a nominal fee! And then I realized I kind of like the waiting! I know, right? Me. Rachel. Ms "I want it and I want it now" has said that she likes the waiting! Irony of ironies, Joey came home with the same thought that he got from his Dad-to-be work buddies. He said "SOnSO mentioned that there's a place you can go to find out earlier if you want for like $60. What do you think?" I said, "I like waiting!" and he said "Me too! And we can spend that money on something else for the baby". DONE. That was the easiest decision to make and I always thought it would be tough. 

(I keep saying this, so much so that I don't really trust myself. I'm the boy who called wolf AND the unbelieving townspeople. Very intriguing)
I NEED TO EXERCISE. The more I think about going to the hospital and giving birth to a human being, the more I think "Oh Lord. I don't think I can do this." I don't have much abdominal strength. It's not something you acquire with running. I could probably squat 250 lbs but I still roll over to get off the couch. Yikes. Anyone else have this fear? This strange feeling? 

That's my only concern. 

Joey said last night "No more quiet days. No more restful nights. We will never be just the two of us again". I think he's nervous, and I'm glad he said that. He's been so stoic lately, doing everything without complaint and making me laugh the whole time. It's nice to know there's a sweet and nervous human in that scruffy and handsome skull of his. 

I can't wait until this is 'real'. I can't wait to know if it's a boy or girl. And I can't wait for this adventure to start. In the meantime, I'm going to set up golf playdates for my husband and maybe reserve a hotel room for a couple of nights for me and Joey, to get just a couple more of those restful and quiet nights under our belts before our little one comes into the picture. 

14.1

We are now at 14 weeks and one day and I feel great! It's holy week, which is a terribly busy time where we all re-think our career choices, but there are SO many wonderful things to be grateful for, especially during this time!

Joey and I have hardly had a moment to sit down and breathe. Other than working, so many of our loved ones have had celebrations and family gatherings on our Sunday afternoons that we are WORN OUT from them all! We were discussing how we wish we could just stay home from some of them, but then we realized how blessed we are to have so many people in our lives that we love so much. In my line of work, I see a lot of people with no one, so I try to take the sleepiness at these celebrations as a blessing rather than an inconvenience. c'est la vie!

We also got a new-to-us mattress and BOY is it comfortable. I used to wake up with sore joints (especially in that first trimester...ouch) and now I wake up with zero discomfort. I love this bed!

We will find out the sex of our baby on May 13 and it can't get here soon enough. I have to say, while I'm excited and can't wait to meet our baby, I don't exactly feel 'connected' with Cletus yet. I'm not worried about it. Some people are, some aren't. I think when we see our next ultrasound and know if it's he/she, that's when it will start to come. I am starting to really show, and that's put a reality stamp on the whole thing as well. 

How far along? 14 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I'm down a pound...

Maternity clothes? Same old same old. 

Sleep: GREAT with this new mattress!

Best moment this week: Getting into this second trimester. It's official! We're 1/3 of the way 

there!

Movement: I thought I felt something the other night and it made me smile. So it's either 

a baby or gas. I've decided to think it's baby because gas shouldn't make you smile.

Food cravings: None

Labor Signs: nope!

Belly Button in or out? in

Milestones: Cletus has a roof to his/her mouth and is growing hair. Can also suck his/her 

thumb and make faces!

"A Peach of a hand..."

      One of the coolest characters of all time is Doc Holliday, played by Val Kilmer. He always had something quirky to say with the fire to back it up. He's my idol (aside from the violence, drinking, consumption, ultimate sad death, etc...)

      This week has been SO busy but SO good. It's a peach of a week ;) Tonight after rehearsal, Joey and I are going to sit down for dinner with each other and talk! It's just like a date! haha...we've barely seen each other this week so I'm really excited. He kisses the 'baby' each morning which just melts my heart...

      It's the little 'peach' moments like this that I want to bottle up into this journal- something so sweet and small and it just makes my day.

How far along? 13 weeks (almost)

Total weight gain/loss: Still haven't stepped on that scale!

Maternity clothes? yes, and baggy shirts and skirts

Sleep: YES PLEASE

Best moment this week: Joey kissing the baby in the morning. It's endearing as hell.

Movement: None yet

Food cravings: No appetite really. I was hungry when we went to a Chinese buffet last night so I ate then. 

Labor Signs: no

Belly Button in or out? in

Words of Wisdom: None this week...

Milestones: Baby is the size of a peach :)

Things to remember...

* We've thought we are having issues with bugs in the house or dust mites or something for the past month. Every day lately, I wake up with huge, painful/itchy bumps somewhere on my body. Mom saw them on Sunday at dinner and mentioned that they looked like hives. I took a benadryl last night, and this morning, they are greatly diminished in size. I guess I have a new pregnancy symptom: hives. I'm not using anything different, eating differently, or using any different cleaners/detergents. I mostly buy that stuff in bulk so it lasts for months. It's just the being pregnant that I've done differently. 

* Yesterday evening at work, I got a severe headache and very nauseated. After thinking about it for awhile, I realized I hadn't eaten enough. Usually if I don't eat enough, I'll feel sick until I do eat, but this is the first time I had a terrible headache with it. When I came home, I had 8 oz. of V8 and a piece of bread, and immediately felt better.

This kid is calling the shots already.

* Last night, I had a dream that I went to Canada and went to a jam shop. 2 for $15, not a bad deal! I walked out with mint jelly, strawberry and pineapple, grape (seriously. Just grape in this fancy jam shop? Please.), and coconut. Very interesting. 

Joey asked me last night if I was scared. I asked if he meant scared of being a parent (yes) or scared of the birth (yes)? He said of the birth. 

I told him that I've only recently become anxious about the birth-and there's a specific reason. I'm not afraid of the pain, of being embarrassed (please. I'd rather be naked in front of a doctor than go to lunch with strangers. I'm a weird.) or even of something going wrong. The only thing I'm really thinking about is the fact that Joey is always my rock. With my panic attacks and night terrors and just average strange day that I'm freaking out, he's always solid. He knows the territory and can keep me grounded. This birth situation is something that both of us aren't sure of. I don't want him to feel 'in the way' or unsure of what to do, but I know he will. I've told him several times that the moment our baby is born, not to leave its side (unless it's whisked away for some reason) because I have a VERY rational fear that someone is going to either try to steal our baby, or they'll swap it for a stupid one. Joey says this is irrational. I don't think it is. I'm holding my ground on that one.

I told him we should start writing out all of our questions to bring to our birthing class, because we'll most likely do one on a Saturday and at the end of the day, we tour the birthing units. I think once I take the class, I'll feel better. So will he. In the meantime, I'll keep watching Netflix and trying to get my energy up to get on that treadmill. I've yet to do that.

OH! Healthy Start called me today and asked me a bunch of questions. One of them was "Have you had any alcoholic drinks this week? This month?" PSH. No. I'm holding off until Easter Dinner! HA! Mind yo' own bizness. Also, I don't think I want to be involved with Healthy Start. Thoughts?

12!

We are in our twelfth week and will start our thirteenth on Monday! 

We are painting in the house (well, Joey is. I'm tellin' ya, he's really stepping into this 'Dad' role!) and making the house as perfect as we can before the baby comes. Lights that haven't been working now work. Old outlets have been replaced. The fence in the yard will be happening this summer and I'll be ready to graduate.

Yesterday at work, we had our open enrollment meeting and I was hit with the reality of how much our insurance is going to cost now with a family. It was a moment of panic that lasted the evening. I know things will be fine, tight but fine, and once my car is paid off (in 7 months!), it won't be bad at all. Still, moving ahead, I freaked. I know this feeling has to be normal and I'm not concerned as much as I was, and just needed a good night's rest (which didn't happen. Weird dreams, constantly peeing).

I'm very moody lately. I often times wake up on the wrong side of the bed. This means that I say it nearly enough, but I'm so grateful for Joey. I'd feel so alone in this if it weren't for him. He's so involved. He reads the baby book, he works on the house, constantly wants to know how I'm feeling and where we're at with the baby stages...anything I need him to do, he does without complaint. 

Anyway, that's all I've got for now. I am glad I started writing this, I want to keep this  so I can remember all these little things ...time sure flies!

How far along? 12 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I haven't weighed myself since our last appointment, and don't feel the need to check it on a regular basis. I'm a little concerned that I won't gain weight the *right* way. Too fast, too slowly...but now my appetite is coming back in full force so I'm feeling glad that I can watch what I eat instead of worrying that I haven't been eating enough.
Maternity clothes? Mostly stretchy pants and flowy blouses. Going for the "Lily Aldrin" from How I Met Your Mother pregnancy style. 
Sleep: Meh. Little concerned that this early on, my bed is SO uncomfortable :/
Best moment this week: Seeing Joey paint our sitting room. Seriously, it looks SO much better.
Movement: Alleged movement. Haven't felt it yet!
Food cravings: Macaroni and Cheese and Corn Dogs. See? Appetite is back ;)
Belly Button in or out? in
Words of Wisdom: It'll all work out!
Milestones: Cletus is the size of a plum! 

Taking It Easy

Relaxing is something I've always been good at.

Wait, let me start again.

Lying about being fine and relaxed is something I've always been good at. Grab a glass of wine, swallow my words, call it a day. BAM. That means fine.

When you're pregnant, that's not something that happens.

I've already written about how tough it's been for me to relax, but Monday we had a stressful day with some medical scares. Seeing that heartbeat Tuesday morning was a relief, but also a wake-up call for me. Honestly, I wasn't expecting to see a heartbeat because I always make a mountain out of a mole-hill (we're not talking a regular mountain here, we're talking Mount Olympus-can't-see-the-top-of-it kind of mountain). I'm a stressful person by nature. Anyway, seeing that beating heart sent me into a mindset of "Okay, Rachel. Time to let things go and take care of yourself". 

I don't know how many people experience that feeling, or how often they experience it, but it's not a thought. It's a full body experience of realizing that you're not #1 priority anymore. In a sense, I guess you are, but it's directly related to the success of your child. Anyway, that experience is exhausting. Every day this week, I've awakened feeling more tired than I did before I went to bed the night before. It gets better if I eat something, but it's exhaustive. 

Learning to say "no", to pull away from projects, and to delegate in my home are things I have to knowingly act on. Joey asked me yesterday how he could help, and I said "I don't know" because I like things done a certain way. If he does them wrong then I'll just have to do them anyway, so why not just do them? 

See? Exhaustive.

I need to let go and let Joe. 

(Did you see that, honey? It's all you!)

Everything is Good

We had an appointment this morning and everything is wonderful. It's amazing the difference a month makes. Cletus was dancing around today and having a blast. It was great to see the little one, and to get some movement on the video.

How far along? My dates were off, so now 10 weeks, one day

Total weight gain/loss: I've lost 2 lbs since becoming pregnant. I guess it's okay because they didn't seem worried.
Maternity clothes? Pants and shirts. So yes, but mostly belly band to keep my unbuttoned pants a mystery.
Sleep: Definitely need more of it. I overdid it this weekend and need to learn to say "NO" to people and not allow my guilt to drive my decisions.
Best moment this week: Seeing the baby and knowing the heart was beating and okay.
Movement: none yet
Food cravings: I wanted a waffle so badly on Sunday that I would have committed a crime for it.
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? in
Words of Wisdom: just say no!
Milestones: Cletus was 'boinging' his/her legs off of me and bouncing up and floating back down in the u/s. Did it several times and it was adorable. What a sweet personality already. 

**update from raging rachel yesterday**

So, after a good conversation via text with a friend, and after several episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show" and a lukewarm (eh, I take what I can get) bath, I finally eeked out my feelings in between involuntary tears (I really wanted to be more badass and straightforward. As mentioned earlier, I take what I can get). I also wasn't as clear and logical as I wanted to be. I think the "conversation" went along the lines of

Me: I'm frustrated with you because I had a long day and I'm so tired and so sore and you were playing xBox and drinking beer when I got home. I can't relax, I can't figure it out, and you're just having a good ol' time.

Joey: I'm sorry, baby. What can I do to make it better?

Me: Sell the xBox and stop drinking beer.

Joey: Okay. Want a foot rub or to go to Taco Bell?

Seriously? That's all it took? Why was ragey rachel so strung out? I do not understand these emotions I'm feeling and I definitely don't understand how Joey can be so understanding about them. Later on the conversation went on:

Joey: If you get home and I'm doing something you don't want me to be doing, then just tell me and I'll do anything else.

Me: (Sobbing, wtf?) That's the problem though! I don't know how you can fix it. I don't even know how to fix it. I just want you to stop having fun and be miserable with me. I can't ask for that!

Joey: Sure you can! I'll drop everything and come be miserable with you!

How do I avoid this weirdness in the future? I guess just talk about my feelings. Hm...so THAT'S what that means.

In our tenth week

     In our tenth week, I feel different. I feel tired, but not as tired as I have been. I feel cranky, and every little thing sets me off. It's like all the little stuff I used to just put aside and 'let go' is starting to come back to me in waves. Not those gentle waves that lull you to sleep, those waves where you're standing with your back to them and you eat sand. Yesterday, I was sweeping the floor and was thinking to myself, "Joey has all weekend to do this stuff! Why doesn't he use his time off to help out around the house??" and I kept cleaning and grumbling. My brain, sober as ever, chimed in and said "Rachel, he has been working every weekend. He deserves some down-time. Besides, you just spoke with him and he said the house was clean. By his standards, it was clean and you can relax." Then hormonal Rachel ate my sensible brain and kept on her cleaning tirade. 

    I'm having a very tough time relaxing. My bath water can't be boiling like I like it, I can't have my glass of pinot noir, and eating crappy food makes me feel, well, crappy. I feel stuck, like I can't feel better. It's not depression or anything like that, it's just difficult to find my 'happy place' when I've been able to sit in a hot tub with a glass of wine (ok fine, 3 glasses) until I felt better before. Now, I just sit, sipping my decaf iced tea, griping about something not being clean enough. 

    I need to calm down and I'm not sure how to do it.

Ok, for the fun stuff before I forget:

How far along? 9.5 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I haven't weighed myself since our last appointment, but I feel myself getting bigger. I'm gonna say I've gained 5 lbs in all.Maternity clothes? Pants, sometimes. I am out of the bloated/fat stage and coming into the actually pregnant looking stage. Not there yet though, and still have to wear stretchy pants. I did buy a bellaband and that helps my unbuttoned pants stay put. Sleep: Eh. I wake up sore. I've never liked this mattress though, and I wouldn't mind if it caught on fire today.Best moment this week: Sleeping. Not many great moments yet.Movement: none.Food cravings: Lots of sweets. Like, more sweets than I've ever wanted/eaten in my lifetime. I've decided to cut way back on sugar though, I don't want di-beetus.Labor Signs: noBelly Button in or out? inWords of Wisdom: Yikes, I don't have any. Maybe a mantra is what I need...Milestones: My uterus is the size of a grapefruit.

The announcement we sent to our family

8 Weeks

Today, I am 8 weeks along. I am feeling indifferent about telling people. When we first found out, I was so happy and wanted to tell everyone in our family. It was exciting! But, now that some people know, I'm getting very tired very quickly of unsolicited advice. People say that just comes with the territory, and that's fine, but when my judgment and ability to learn things about pregnancy is taken into question, that's when I get tired of it VERY fast. For example, I've already heard "no more wine for a year!", "That's too much sugar", "Your BP is too low", "You're having too much caffeine!", "Don't lift that, you're pregnant!"...yeouch. Done. Walk away from me. So much for the joy you experience during your first pregnancy (and, I'm assuming, the ones to follow).

Joey and I decided to wait until 12 weeks to put it on Facebook, but now I'm wondering if I even want to do that. I went through and deleted a bunch of people from my friends list who I wouldn't care to tell, or ever talk to again, so that helps a little. Even still, I don't feel the need to share our excitement through social media. I'd rather experience that joy organically as we did telling our families. I think we'll just end up posting pictures in October of us in the hospital with new baby. Then disable comments. HA.

Pregnancy as an introvert is QUITE unique.

Joey post

I hear beats all day long... but that moment when I heard little babies heart beat at the first ultrasound was so overwhelming exciting I'm sure I was in shock. I've never heard a beat that instilled such pride and excitement as this. Such innocence and excitement, there was a flash of a life that would become a part of mine. By extension, this beat, it's a continuation of a love that will live on past my days. I could see and currently am envisioning the future, with all its fears and worries as well as the achievements and triumphs a future life could hold. Pure joy. I look forward to seeing more. Ta ta for now.

-Joey

7 Weeks and Five Days

Our Ultrasound from Tuesday, 2/18 at 6 weeks, 5 days.

How far along? 7 Weeks and Five Days
Total weight gain/loss: One Pound of water weight, pretty sure it's back down though.
Maternity clothes? Yes, just the pants and some loose fitting tops.
Sleep: SInce I've been home this week, excellent. Can't get enough of it.
Best moment this week: Coming home from a trip and seeing Joey. I felt happy all over.
Food cravings: Taco Bell last night. Just pintos and cheese and hot sauce.
Labor Signs: no
Belly Button in or out? in
Thankful for: My friend Rachel and my husband Joey.
Words of Wisdom: N/A
Milestones: Cletus the Fetus is growing their own taste buds this week and creating 100 brain cells at a time. Amazing.

I feel good, very tired, but good. My house is finally empty and my superhero husband cleaned the carpets with a steam cleaner this weekend while I was gone. He's been an amazing support and I can't be thankful enough for him. I've been more emotional lately, but it's been validated. Our next ultrasound is March 25 and it can't get here soon enough. I can't wait to hear that little heartbeat again.